Your sweater fits me perfectly.
If you would have been alive
you would have scolded me
for stealing your clothes
but you also would have been happy
knowing; that I am growing up.
It fits me perfectly, father
it fits me perfectly
we share the same height, you see
slightly loose on the breadth though
but it fits me perfectly.
The colour too looks good on me
perhaps more than you, perhaps not
but it is and will always be yours, so will I.
But that is not what I wanted to say, father
that is not what intrigues me .
What fills my heart with a very difficult emotion
that which is hardest to describe
that which is truest to the core
that which is neither joy nor sadness
that, yes that which is everything
is the sense of your presence
as the sweater carries your smell
which makes me remember
and makes me believe
that you are and here.
It fills me with pride to wear you father
the heart swells with pride, believe me .
I walk unafraid as you surround me
just like that little kid who felt safe in your arms.
Your smell, your smell
it brings you back , it brings back me
it brings back all those memories
all those days , years, summers, winters
all those moments of life , which remain, still.
All of it father, I want all of it
everything back again .
I clutch the sweater close to my face
letting not even an ounce of your smell fade away
all of it father, all of it
I want to be with you again.
Drunk with your smell
I run as a musk deer runs
mad with the smell of its own scent
as the eyes search for you everywhere
but the heart knows, you are in me.
The song of life is forward
Yes, I am aware of it.
The sweater will soon be washed
and I will lose your smell forever
just like I lost you , father
but the heart knows
that you live through me
and I live through you
and that ours is a different forever.
One with a sunny sky, green grass
where you taught me the game
or one enmeshed in those hours of poetry
where you “commanded me to sing
and my heart would break with pride”
as tears of joy would choke the voice
or one where you taught me to never despair
or one, or one , or one
You are now in forever, father
you are now a forever
and we will always stay together … always
( Poem and photograph)